Dialogue — The Promise
Alice's kitchen. Morning. She's opening post.
Alice: Oh.
Bob: What?
Alice: Mortgage. Variable rate. Up £340 a month.
Bob: Since when?
Alice: Base rate went up again. The letter explains it in language designed to sound like weather — "market conditions," "adjustment period," "revised schedule."
Bob: Can you absorb it?
Alice: I've done the maths. Groceries: already cut. Car: needed for the school run. Heating: it's November. Childcare: it's childcare.
Bob: So what gives?
Alice: Saturdays. I'll work Saturdays. My sister can take the kids. Which means I lose the allotment.
Bob: The one your nan started?
Alice: Three years of composting. The soil's finally right. I put in a seed order last week. I'll have to cancel it.
Bob: I'm sorry. (to the Agent) Is there a way to offset a mortgage rate increase of £340 a month without increasing working hours?
Agent: Consider these options: 1. Remortgage to a fixed rate. 2. Extend the mortgage term. 3. Reduce discretionary spending. 4. Review utility providers. 5. Check eligibility for government support schemes.
Bob: Some of those might help?
Alice: "Reduce discretionary spending." The allotment costs me £48 a year. The Agent just told me to optimise my way out of a problem caused by optimisation.
Bob: The rate change wasn't aimed at you though.
Alice: No. That's the point. The Bank set the rate to hit an inflation target. The target is reasonable. The model works. And the model has no column for an allotment in it. My nan's compost doesn't appear in anyone's objective function.
By spring the weeds will have the allotment. The model is performing within expected parameters.